I was discussing relationships with the lovely Violet Blue and we came up with the rules for the getting hurt game. Here is our list:
- Don't be honest with yourself or others.
- Give your trust to people that don't trust you.
- Know that you are not worth fighting for.
- Believe you can grow/help/save people.
- Believe the situation is only temporary.
Here is to hoping you play the game as well as we have.
Comments (4)
Incredibly clever. I'd have to agree.
Posted by Kitsune | March 9, 2007 6:31 PM
Posted on March 9, 2007 18:31
I agree with everything here except:
"Believe you can grow/help/save people."
.... it seems fairly pessimistic to believe that yous should never try to help people.
Maybe this could be changed to say:
"Believe that you can force others to change"
Posted by Kevin Burton | March 11, 2007 7:43 AM
Posted on March 11, 2007 07:43
See Elise Matthesen's famous "How To Fuck Up A (poly) Relationship post
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/elise.shtml from the old archives of the alt.polyamory FAQ.
Us poly dinosaurs know a thing or two you young whipper snapeprs can learn from.
Now get off of my lawn, damn noisy kids!
Posted by Josh Jasper | March 12, 2007 6:16 PM
Posted on March 12, 2007 18:16
1 and 2 are great, though even 2 seems a bit jaded. Your last two points seem overly jaded, sometimes the situation is temporary, and often if you believe in the other person and offer kindness and acceptance you can help them change/grow/etc. I honestly think #1 should be, "try not to get hurt", often it is peoples "defenses" (read fears) that keeps them from moving quickly into the sort of intimacy that bring other people's stuff (and their own) to the surface. Better to get clobbered by someone else's issues sooner than later once you are really attached. Further, often our defenses seem to be what cause us to setup unhealthy patterns that doom our relationships later down the line, as we find at some point our "boundaries" are so ingrained that we can't move the relationship beyond them.
Posted by Anonymous | March 12, 2007 6:26 PM
Posted on March 12, 2007 18:26